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Mo' Money, Mo' Money, Mo' Money

There's been much talk about paying teachers based on merit, pay for performance and about a dozen other popular euphemisms floating around. School critics love the idea and seem to, at least, promote the idea as the savior of education.

The big news last week was that it doesn't work.

Really, I can't comment on what other teachers do or what would motivate them. I can tell you if a bonus for higher test scores would motivate me... I would be slightly excited for about five minutes. Then I'd start to think about what I could do to bring up the test scores and get depressed. Really, what I could do that I don't already do? More practice tests? No more novels... just short passages?

And since I no longer teach classes which take THE test, does that mean I'm ineligible and I should demand to teach at least one of those classes even though it would mean reduced access to shared resources for all and huge increase in work load? After all, I MIGHT get a bonus at the end of the year! Of course, I will need the morning of the test off so that I can pick up all of my students who decided to stay home on test day - it's MY bonus and you WILL be going to school, even if you have to use a barf bag.

Seriously. I chose a career that is so underpaid most people question my sanity in make such a choice. A career that requires me to spend an average of $500-$700 a year for things that won't last or be appreciated by the users. A career where everyone assumes that "I can't do", so I teach. Does this sound like someone would be motivated by a bonus that may or may not be awarded based on factors of which I control about half of... maybe... on a good day?

Conversely, if I am a whiny, malcontent whose sole reason for teaching is because I get summers off and am home in time for the 5 o'clock news every night... do you think that a possible bonus will be motivating?

Not surprisingly, these ideas of pay for performance always seem to come from outside school activists. People who didn't go into teaching because there was no money it. People who are motivated by money.

Can you imagine Oprah in a classroom of 30 second graders? One fourth aren't fully potty trained (yes, seriously!), a third can't read and another third who are currently reading War and Peace. Two-thirds only ate breakfast because it was offered at school - the other third ate pop-tarts and toaster strudel (and their sugar high is crashing fast) and at least 5 of whom were abused in some way in the hours between 3pm and 8am. Let's not forget little Joanie who told her to "F** Off!" because, well... who the heck knows? Oprah will be required to spend at least two hours filling out paperwork in an attempt to get someone to figure out why, but no one will ever actually read those papers as school counselors are a useless waste of money. Oh yes, although Oprah arrived at 7am, she is not allowed to use the bathroom until after 11am - if she isn't required to have a child stay with her at lunch or required to eat lunch with students. She will not get another chance to pee until after all the children have left, so she must be sure NOT to drink liquids during the day. She also won't allowed any time to plan, think or set up up for the next activity as all music, p.e. and art activities have been deemed as a useless waste of money. And she thinks her feet hurt after a taping session? Hah.

Comments

Clarice said…
Thanks so much for this post. I've been so frustrated and honestly sad about all of this education talk lately. It's times like these that I seriously considering just not teaching anymore, even though I know I'm a good teacher. For the last three years, I worked exclusively with kids who were EH. Regardless of how hard I worked, it was highly unlikely their test scores would ever be the highest or the best. I had very different goals for them like to graduate, manage their emotions appropriately, and get jobs. Also, I would really like Oprah to spend one day or even a half day in a real classroom. Thanks again for the post.
Nacho Lover said…
yes! love all of this!! so, so true. send this to a newspaper or something--more people need to read about the teacher's perspective on this!

also, i somehow lost track of your blog for awhile, but i'm back reading now. :)

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